Last week, my wife and I took a car trip to Alabama for the holidays. Altogether, it’s thirteen hundred miles, which we split over two days. For anyone who’s counting, that works out to around ten hours per day spent listening to Pandora radio, two hours searching for restrooms, and six hours languishing in an […]
There and Back Again Read More »
Tomorrow, my wife and I will be embarking on our annual December trip from Colorado to Alabama. We’ve been living in Colorado since 2011, so every year since then we’ve had to make the decision about whether to set out across the U.S. for Christmas. For the sixth time, we’ve decided to make the haul.
I’ll Be Somewhere for Christmas Read More »
Losing weight runs in my family. By that, I mean that for as long as I can remember, someone close to me has been trying to get thin, whether it was me, a relative, or a beloved pet. Only after shedding those unwanted pounds, the reasoning goes, will everything in life be bright and shiny
Perpetual Shrinkage (But Not in a Seinfeld Way) Read More »
Recently, I said to my wife, “If I die before you, please don’t have my funeral in a megachurch. I might have to come back and haunt you for that.” Inspired by a funeral pageant on television, I’d made the mistake of imagining my own taking place with smoke machines, jumbotrons, and an army of bagpipers
Funeral Planning Strategies Read More »
The day after Thanksgiving, as I was flipping channels, I came across the show Ancient Aliens on the History Channel, a network whose name I pronounce Quote-History-Channel-Unquote. I don’t think they can legally call it “History” without placing it in air quotes. And I know what you’re thinking. Flipping channels? Yes, I was flipping channels. People do it
Explaining the Unexplainable: Blame It on Aliens Read More »
During our fourth week of U.S. Navy boot camp, we found ourselves in the service of the mess hall. The navy called it Service Week, and we’d been warned about it for the previous three weeks. Everyone said it would be a sweet little piece of hell made up of the most interminable days imaginable. To
Service Week and The Longest Day Read More »