The Nerd Poem

My name is Andrew, and I
Have a confession to make:
am a nerd.

Now, it’s taken me a long while to admit this fact,
but it’s true, and underneath this
175 pound, 6 foot frame
beats the heart
of a nerd.

For example,
I am a nerd
because I know what a gerund is and also how
to use one in a sentence with no fewer than 5 semicolons.
I am a nerd because
I’ve considered neck-beards
a fashion statement.
I am a nerd because
I’ve been to the point of no return and
have drawn concentric circles around it
so it looks like a target rather than an ostensibly ominous,
arbitrarily signified limit on the
Cartesian coordinates of life!
I am a nerd because
I understood that last metaphor.

But it’s not only about understanding esoteric ideas,
nerdiness seeks to fuse understanding with action
thus, I am a nerd because I
have a slight obsession with ninjas and often
imagine myself dressed to blend with night
while silently stalking foes from rooftop to rooftop
and – always quietly – contemplating
the opportune time to silently strike;
but this obsession is all the product of years of training
and I PROUDLY claim martial arts as
my nerd tradition for it requires,
nay necessitates, the equal application of mind and body
and the nerd needs to have obscure, nearly arcane
understandings of esoteric activities like ninja-ing,
or, at least, playing one on Xbox.
And like martial arts, nerdiness
is a word which indicates
a way of life!

And part of this way comes in
understanding that humanity sacrificed
Its place in paradise for the sake of knowledge;
thus, I am a nerd because I believe that
an apple’s worth of knowledge a day keeps
the doctor, boredom, and stupidity away.
And, for me, the quest to master the way of the nerd
is never only about pompous pretension
or memorization of obscure movie quotes, no;
being a nerd is the affirmation that
intelligence, integrity, and individuality are
imperative to MY spiritual survival.

So, join me;
join me with your own personal nerdy proclivities and proclaim,
“I                     AM                  NERD,
and I proudly pronounce intelligence, integrity, and individuality
to be tools with which I’ll
carve a niche in this world.”

So throw your arms to the sky,
hold on tight, and never,
let go of this ideal of individuality embodied
by your proud. Nerdy. Position.

The world
will thank you for it.